Fundamentals of teenology

Adolescence and emotion.
Why there is more emotional intensity to manage during adolescence.

Adolescence can be a highly emotionally charged time of life.
The loss of childhood is so painful, the developmental challenges are so daunting, the vulnerability from insecurity is so great, the demands of growth are so many, the conflicts over independence are so frustrating, and the experience of growing older is so exciting.
During this more intense period of growth, it is helpful for parents (through example and instruction) to help their adolescent learn to manage emotions in ways that work well and not badly for all concerned, always remembering that now is later.
The adolescent is just an adult in training, and the tools for emotional management learned with parents will be carried forward into significant relationships later on. "I learned to shut up about my feelings living with my parents, and now in marriage my wife complains I refuse to open up with her." It's easier to form habits than it is to break them.
Parents need to model safely talking out hard feelings, not acting them out by exploding to let off steam, to get their way, or to counter the teenager exploding at them. Yelling to stop teenage yelling only encourages more yelling.
Use emotions as weapons or for manipulation and their honest meaning comes to be distrusted. "The only reason you're crying is to get me to feel sorry for you; you're not really feeling hurt."
Strange to say, but emotions are too important to act emotionally upset about. They are a powerful source of understanding. Like our capacities to see, hear, smell, touch, intuit, and think, our capacity to feel is an important tool for self-awareness. Just as being blind or deaf can be partly disabling, to be out of contact with or cut off from one's emotions can be partly disabling too because important data is missing. "I don't know how I feel!"
In counseling, probably because of same sex socializing with peers growing up (woman often encouraged to be sensitive and confiding about feelings, men often encouraged to be strong and silent about feelings) male and female clients frequently manage emotions quite differently.
Women appear more practiced and accustomed to talking about their emotions than men who are more practiced and accustomed to suppressing theirs. This distinction doesn't have to be if all adolescents, male and female, are taught at home that the sharing of feelings is a normal and healthy part of family discourse.

Having good emotional access and the ability to talk about feelings is really important in adolescence when periods of emotional duress are just part of the normal teenage passage. Consider some common emotional hard times.
Depression: spells of sadness over loss, over discouragement from disappointment.
Loneliness: spells of feeling cut off, disconnected, not understood, and alone.
Self-rejection: spells of not liking/valuing the person one is becoming, troubled by a negative self-image.
Anxiety: spells of acute worry about adequately coping with challenges at hand and in the future.
Stress: spells of feeling overwhelmed and overwrought by too many demands.
Aggression: spells of fighting to gain control over what is happening, often as an expression of frustration.
Lability: spells of dramatically shifting emotional states between feeling up and down.
Confusion: spells of distractibility and wandering focus to keep track of all the complexity that needs attending to.
What parents need to evaluate is the young person's capacity to talk about what is going on, the length of time these spells last, and the behaviors that they precipitate. If the teenager can't seem to talk about what is going on, if the hard emotional state lasts more than several months, if the young person is engaging in self-defeating or self-destructive behavior, they should get some manner of psychological help.
Counseling is a chance to open up what is going on, to gain self-understanding, and to develop coping strategies to make it through a hard time. In these situations, the use of psychoactive medication should be the choice of last, not first, resort.
for parents during these times of emotional duress, the watchword for them is to go slow when an emotional outburst occurs, to be empathic and invite talking out instead of popping off and provoking acting out. And it helps if they understand and convey the value of emotions, the most important one being that feelings are good informants. They are to be accepted, not argued with and discounted.
"You have no good reason to be embarrassed by me, I have done nothing wrong!" defends the parent by criticizing the sixth grade child for not wanting to be seen at middle school with the parent.
No. The parental presence at this more socially independent time is causing the young person to feel self-conscious about parental companionship in public. Rather than invalidate the child's feeling of embarrassment, the parent should respect it so later on they can talk about how to best manage this latest developmental turn of events.The primary value of emotions is to inform a person about a felt reaction to a significant life experience, focus attention on that experience, and energize some manner of response. For example, reacting to some mistreatment, angry emotion can empower a person to make an expressive response ("I feel mad at what you did"), or a corrective response ("Please don't do that again"), or a protective response ("Do that again and I'll report what you did.").Because of their informing, focussing, and energizing properties, emotions are always worth listening and attending to. In one form or another, they all say: " Be alert, something important is happening in my life right now, something that may merit a response."Although feelings are neither good nor bad, people tend to assign them that distinction based on how the emotion is experienced.Thus comfortable ‘good' emotions may include pride (focusing on accomplishment), love (focusing on devotion), joy (focusing on fulfillment), interest (focusing on attraction), or gratitude (focusing on appreciation.) In general, people are happy to experience these and other positive feelings.
Uncomfortable ‘bad' emotions, by contrast, may include fear (focusing on danger), pain (focusing on injury), grief (focusing on loss), anger (focusing on violation), or frustration (focusing on blockage.) In general, people are unhappy to experience these and other negative feelings.
Now comes the tricky part for adolescents, a part where parents have a helpful role to play. Emotions, particularly of the unhappy kind, can create a special jeopardy for teenagers. The reason for this risk is that ALTHOUGH EMOTIONS ARE VERY GOOD INFORMANTS, THEY CAN BE VERY BAD ADVISORS.
When the adolescent allows unhappy feelings to "think" for him or her, what "feels" best to make things better is often exactly what will make things worse. The emotional state is being allowed to determine the cognitive choice. Consider just a few common examples.
Depression can counsel "be inactive," instead of getting active on one's own behalf to make things better.
Discouragement can counsel "look at all the negative," instead of looking for the positive to make things better.
Anger can counsel "retaliation," instead of finding a constructive way to address the wrong to make things better.
Fear can counsel "run away," instead of standing and facing the threat to make things better.
Helplessness can counsel "give up," instead of keeping trying to make things better.
Loneliness can counsel "isolate," instead of reaching out to make things better.
Shyness can counsel "be silent," instead of speaking up to make things better.
Shame can counsel "be secret," instead of openly communicating to make things better.
When it comes to the management of emotions, the message from parents to their adolescent needs to be this: "Use your feelings to become informed, but use your thinking to decide what is best to do."
For more on this topic, see chapter on ‘Emotion and conflict' in my book, "Stop the Screaming." Information at: www.carlpickhardt.com
What should I know about my teenager’s emotional health?
The teenage years are a time of transition from childhood into adulthood. Teens often struggle with being dependent on their parents while having a strong desire to be independent. They may also feel overwhelmed by the emotional and physical changes they are going through.
At the same time, teens may be facing a number of pressures – from friends to fit in and from parents and other adults to do well in school or activities like sports or part-time jobs. The teenage years are important as your child asserts his or her individuality.

What can I do to help my teen?
Communicating your love for your child is the single most important thing you can do. Children decide how they feel about themselves in large part by how their parents react to them. For this reason, it’s important for parents to help their children feel good about themselves. It is also important to communicate your values and to set expectations and limits, such as insisting on honesty, self-control and respect for others, while still allowing teenagers to have their own space.
Parents of teens often find themselves noticing only the problems, and they may get in the habit of giving mostly negative feedback and criticism. Although teens need feedback, they respond better to positive feedback. Remember to praise appropriate behavior in order to help your teen feel a sense of accomplishment and reinforce your family’s values.
Establishing a loving relationship from the start will help you and your child through the teenage years.
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) suggests the following ways for parents to prepare for their child’s teenage years:
Provide a safe and loving home environment.
Create an atmosphere of honesty, trust and respect.
Allow age-appropriate independence and assertiveness.
Develop a relationship that encourages your teen to talk to you when he or she is upset.
Teach responsibility for your teen’s belongings and yours.
Teach basic responsibility for household chores.
Teach the importance of accepting limits.
What warning signs should I look for?
Remember that your teen may experiment with his or her values, ideas, hairstyles and clothing in order to define him- or herself. This is typically normal behavior and you shouldn’t be concerned. However, inappropriate or destructive behavior can be a sign of a problem.
Teens, especially those with low self-esteem or with family problems, are at risk for a number of self-destructive behaviors such as using drugs or alcohol or having unprotected sex. Depression and eating disorders are common health issues that teens face. The following may be warning signs that your child is having a problem:
Agitated or restless behavior
Weight loss or gain
A drop in grades
Trouble concentrating
Ongoing feelings of sadness
Not caring about people and things
Lack of motivation
Fatigue, loss of energy and lack of interest in activities
Low self-esteem
Trouble falling asleep
Run-ins with the law
What should I do if there is a problem?
Work together to maintain open communication. If you suspect there is a problem, ask your teen about what is bothering him or her. Don’t ignore a problem in the hopes that it will go away. It is easier to cope with problems when they are small. This also gives you and your teen the opportunity to learn how to work through problems together. Don’t be afraid to ask for help with dealing with your teen. Many resources, including your family doctor, are available.
That teenage feeling
Harvard researchers may have found biological clues to quirky adolescent behavior.

Parents of teenagers don't have it easy. Door-slamming fights over phone use and friend choice, late nights spent lying awake envisioning benders or high-speed car chases, the futile feeling that everything you says goes in one ear and out the other. And as much as parents struggle, teens will attest that adolescence is no cakewalk for them either.
What's happening during adolescence that turns many once-sweet kids into unruly rabble-rousers? At least part of the reason may be that adolescent brains process information differently than adult brains, according to research led by neuropsychologist Deborah Todd-Yurgelun, PhD, of Harvard University's McLean Hospital Cognitive Neuroimaging and Neuropsychology Laboratory. She and her team are using neuroimaging to investigate the neural underpinnings of the emotional turmoil many teens experience. And those imaging technologies are revealing brain differences that could explain teen traits that exasperate adults, including impulsivity, poor judgment and social anxiety.
Rebellious teen behavior could stem more from biology than stubbornness, says Yurgelun-Todd.
"Don't assume that because you've laid out the argument or presented the idea that teenagers are interpreting it in the same way you've presented it," she advises. "The frontal cortex is continuing to develop, and if you don't have the neural structure in place, the adolescent cannot really think things through at the same level as an adult."
White matter and impulsivity
A teenager drives too fast around a curve and plants his car into a tree. Though he saw posted speed limits, heard parental admonitions and suffered through hours of driver's ed training, in that moment behind the wheel, he acted seemingly without thinking.
The seat of such poor judgment might be found in the white matter microstructure in the brain's prefrontal cortex, says Marisa Silveri, PhD, a psychologist in Yurgelun-Todd's lab. The frontal cortex is associated with decision-making, insight, judgment and inhibitory control. Silveri, Yurgelun-Todd and colleagues use diffusion tensor imaging (DTI) to examine white matter microstructure, the part of the brain that's responsible for relaying signals between neurons in the gray matter. During adolescence, particularly in the frontal cortex, unneeded gray matter is pruned away and white matter, made up of axons covered by a lipid membrane known as myelin, increases.
"Similar to the concept of electrical wiring, adding insulation around a bare wire improves connectivity, and the thicker the insulation, the better the transmission of a signal from point A to point B," says Silveri. "Myelination, or the insulating of axons, allows more rapid and efficient communication between neurons."
The researchers used DTI to examine the integrity of white matter, with more coherent organization meaning that messages are relayed between neurons more effectively. In a 2006 study by Silveri, Yurgelun-Todd and colleagues in Magnetic Resonance Imaging (Vol. 24, No. 7, pages 833-841), the researchers found an association between white matter organization and impulse control in both boys and girls. Interestingly, white matter integrity in boys showed a stronger relationship with self-report of impulse control, a behavioral measure, whereas girls' white matter integrity showed a stronger relationship with the ability to inhibit an incorrect answer, which is a cognitive measure. The study both underscored the role of white matter in impulse control and corroborated emerging research pointing to sex differences in the developing brain, says Silveri.
"We're not saying we have found the reason kids make bad judgments, but we do think this is one of the mechanisms that contributes to why they aren't processing information as efficiently as they should be," says Yurgelun-Todd.
Social anxiety
As if struggling to make good judgments and rein in impulsive behavior isn't challenging enough, many adolescents also wrangle with social anxiety. For some, seemingly inconsequential triggers, such as being asked to work an algebra problem in front of the class or hearing a collective snicker from the cool girls in the locker room can cause sickening unease. Now, Yurgelun-Todd has found evidence tying adolescent social anxiety to brain development. In a 2005 study, in Developmental Neuroscience (Vol. 16, No. 15, pages 1,671-1,675) she examined the amygdala, which is associated with emotions, particularly fear. Yurgelun-Todd and her team showed 16 adolescents fearful or happy faces while scanning their brains in a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine. They found that increased amygdala activity during the presentation of fearful faces related to higher social anxiety scores, but not with other aspects of anxiety. This finding suggests that adolescents and adults tend to attribute anxiety to different causes, says Yurgelun-Todd.
"A lot of teenage behavior is about avoiding this anxiety of feeling left out and not being a part of things," she says.
For further clues between the link between adolescent emotions and brain development, Yurgelun-Todd examines the prefrontal cortex, and a process she calls increased frontalization. As the brain matures in adolescence, the prefrontal cortex assumes responsibility for many of the cognitive processes--such as reasoning, planning and behavior control--that are initially performed in the more primitive subcortical and limbic structures, she says. The development of the prefrontal cortex parallels improvements in cognitive control and behavioral inhibition as an adolescent transitions to an adult. Frontalization may underlie adolescents' growing ability to think abstractly outside of themselves, and see themselves in the way others see them--which could contribute to the feeling of being constantly on stage and judged that many teens experience.
Isabelle Rosso, PhD, who also works in Yurgelun-Todd's lab, and colleagues reported that as adolescents' abstract reasoning skills increased, so did their levels of social anxiety. Part of abstract reasoning includes being able to take an observer perspective on one's self and to make inferences about other people's thoughts and feelings. Although the emergence of abstract reasoning is ultimately a useful tool that allows adults to self regulate, in adolescence, it might contribute to higher vulnerability to social anxiety and other emotional disorders, says Rosso. "In adolescence, you start to become more self aware, and more able to think abstractly or hypothetically about other people's thoughts and feelings," says Rosso. "But that may also allow you to have more social self consciousness, and worry more about what other people are thinking about you. It may open up new vulnerabilities in some adolescents."
Implications and applications
Parents and school officials hungry for explanations of unpredictable teen behavior might find solace in the Harvard lab's findings. However, Yurgelun-Todd cautions that just because there are neurobiological components to teen behavior doesn't discount the effect of environmental or social factors, nor does it absolve teenagers of accountability.
"I am always asked, 'Is there some maturational threshold that you can identify neurobiologically," she says. "We are certainly nowhere near that scientifically."
However, the recent research on teen brains has caught the attention of educators and the justice system, and Yurgelun-Todd has spoken widely to legal personnel on her findings.
"The juvenile justice system is very concerned with how to best help its adolescents," she says. "My role is to educate the system to understand that many of our adolescents are not fully mature, and they do need help with learning how to make good decisions."
Lab members also see their work as helping to identify adolescents at risk for substance abuse, depression, schizophrenia and other psychological conditions. "If we are able to identify high-risk kids early or before the onset of illness, we could become more of a preventative field, which could lead to changes in treatment strategies, an improvement in people's quality of life, and, ultimately, reduced cost of psychiatric illness for society," says Rosso.
The popularity of neuroimaging, particularly in healthy adolescents, has exploded in the last 10 years, says Linda Spear, PhD, distinguished professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Binghamton. However, as helpful as imaging technologies are for allowing a noninvasive glimpse into healthy, living tissues, the old standby, animal research, continues to provide important insights, says Spear.
"Imaging tells us which brain areas are more active at a particular time, but by and large, it doesn't tell us the mechanism underlying the change, and we don't know causally what is going on," says Spear, who studies brain development in adolescent animals. "There is a lot you can do with fMRI and MRI, but with animal studies, you can start trying to dissect down and ask about causal changes."
A combination of imaging studies and animal research will provide the most comprehensive view, says Spear. "I think the data Dr. Yurgelun-Todd came out with is very provocative," she says. "Right now it's a little bit early to understand the whole picture, but these new findings are very tantalizing."

3 Steps for Helping Your Teen Handle Emotions

When my daughter was a preschooler, I remember joking about her future: “If she’s got a 13-year-old’s attitude now, how am I going to handle her when she’s actually a teenager?” Her emotions seemed bigger than she was, far too big for her tiny body. Surely she would be able to handle them better when she was older!
If only it were that easy, right? Parents of teens know that as our children grow, so do their feelings. Add to that the pitfalls of puberty, friendship drama, and kids who are desperately trying to be adults, and we have a minefield of feelings to navigate.
We might sometimes wish to return to the simplicity of toddler tantrums, but we must instead forge new ground as we walk alongside our kids with their teenage emotions. But how?

1. Keep your feet on the ground
Your teen experiences a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes on a daily basis. As tempting as it can be, don’t board that ride with them. Keep your feet on the ground, keep calm, and be there to guide them when their train gets back to the station. It might mean taking a deep breath or even leaving the room when your teen pushes your buttons. If you can maintain your calm while they are spinning out of control, you’ll be better able to speak into their lives when the dust has settled.
2. Walk them through it
When we keep our calm, we are better equipped to help our teens process and deal with the many things they are feeling. A few simple steps help them to sort through and respond appropriately:

Name it. What exactly are they experiencing—anger, disappointment, sadness, fear? Overwhelming emotions can feel similar. Encourage them to name what they are feeling, and look for what is behind it. Identifying and understanding an emotion can take away some of the stress behind it.
Claim it. Emotions aren’t wrong, and our kids shouldn’t be ashamed of them. It’s OK to be upset when a friend lets them down, to be disappointed when they study for a test and don’t do well, or even to be sad for reasons they can’t quite identify. (Hello, hormones!) In fact, identifying and feeling feelings is healthy and important. But…
Don’t blame it. Emotions don’t make someone do anything—our teens cannot relinquish responsibility for their actions. Help them to identify healthy ways of handling their emotions and exercise self-control. This does not necessarily mean we as parents must try to solve every problem in the heat of the moment. We just need to make sure we are talking to our kids, both in these emotional times and at calmer moments, about taking responsibility for their actions and choosing not to let their emotions rule over their heads.
3. Be a role model
A positive example shines the best light for our kids’ paths. Look for healthy ways of handling and expressing your own feelings. Let them see how you are walking through the steps listed above. Apologize when you mess up—because we all do it. Our kids need to know we are encouraging growth, not demanding perfection. {Tweet This}
More than anything, our teens need to know we are there for them. They toss and turn in a sea of emotions, and we are their rock. By being there, being safe, and calmly guiding them through, we are setting them up for emotional strength for years to come.

Adolescence is a time of big social and emotional development for your child. It helps to know what to expect and how to support your child through the changes.
Social changes and emotional changes: what to expect in adolescence
Supporting social and emotional development
Mental health and wellbeing
Children with special needs
Social changes and emotional changes: what to expect in adolescence

During adolescence, you’ll notice changes in the way your child interacts with family, friends and peers. Every child’s social and emotional development is different. Your child’s development is shaped by your child’s unique combination of genes, brain development, environment, experiences with family and friends, and community and culture.

Social changes and emotional changes show that your child is forming an independent identity and learning to be an adult.

People spend their childhood learning to be like their parents, and their adolescence learning who they are and how they are different from their parents.
– Dr Miriam Kaufman, 2006
Social changes
You might notice that your child is:

searching for identity: young people are busy working out who they are and where they fit in the world. This search can be influenced by gender, peer group, cultural background and family expectations
seeking more independence: this is likely to influence the decisions your child makes and the relationships your child has with family and friends
seeking more responsibility, both at home and at school
looking for new experiences: the nature of teenage brain development means that teenagers are likely to seek out new experiences and engage in more risk-taking behaviour. But they’re still developing control over their impulses
thinking more about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’: your child will start developing a stronger individual set of values and morals. Teenagers also learn that they’re responsible for their own actions, decisions and consequences. They question more things. Your words and actions shape your child’s sense of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’
influenced more by friends, especially when it comes to behaviour, sense of self and self-esteem
starting to develop and explore a sexual identity: your child might start to have romantic relationships or go on ‘dates’. These are not necessarily intimate relationships, though. For some young people, intimate or sexual relationships don’t occur until later on in life
communicating in different ways: the internet, mobile phones and social media can significantly influence how your child communicates with friends and learns about the world.
Emotional changes
You might notice that your child:
shows strong feelings and intense emotions at different times. Moods might seem unpredictable. These emotional ups and downs can lead to increased conflict. Your child’s brain is still learning how to control and express emotions in a grown-up way
is more sensitive to your emotions: young people get better at reading and processing other people’s emotions as they get older. While they’re developing these skills, they can sometimes misread facial expressions or body language
is more self-conscious, especially about physical appearance and changes. Teenage self-esteem is often affected by appearance – or by how teenagers think they look. As they develop, children might compare their bodies with those of friends and peers
goes through a ‘bulletproof’ stage of thinking and acting as if nothing bad could happen to him. Your child’s decision-making skills are still developing, and your child is still learning about the consequences of actions.
Many people think that adolescence is always a difficult time, and that all teenagers have bad moods and behave in challenging ways. In fact, some studies show that only 5-15% of teenagers go through extreme emotional turmoil, become rebellious or have major conflicts with their parents. Social and emotional changes are part of your child’s journey to adulthood. You have a big role to play in helping your child develop grown-up emotions and social skills.
Changes in relationships
You might notice that your child:
wants to spend less time with family and more time with friends and peers
has more arguments with you: some conflict between parents and children during the teenage years is normal, as children seek more independence. It actually shows that your child is maturing. Conflict tends to peak in early adolescence. If you feel like you’re arguing with your child all the time, it might help to know that this isn’t likely to affect your relationship with your child in the longer term
sees things differently from you: this isn’t because your child wants to upset you. It’s because your child is beginning to think more abstractly and to question different points of view. At the same time, some teenagers find it hard to understand the effects of their behaviour and comments on other people. These skills will develop with time.
Your child’s relationships with family and peers will undergo dramatic changes and shifts. Strong relationships with both family and friends are vital for healthy social and emotional development. Parents tend to influence a young person’s long-term decisions, such as career choices, values and morals. Friends are more likely to influence short-term choices, such as appearance and interests.
Supporting social and emotional development
Here are some ideas to help you support your child’s social and emotional development.
Be a role model for forming and maintaining positive relationships – with your friends, children, partner and colleagues. Your child will learn from observing relationships where there is respect, empathy and positive ways of resolving conflict.
Get to know your child’s friends, and make them welcome in your home. This will help you keep in touch with your child’s social relationships. It also shows that you recognise how important your child’s friends are to your child’s sense of self. If you’re concerned about your child’s choice of friends, provide gentle and consistent guidance.
Listen to your child’s feelings. If your child wants to talk, stop and give your child your full attention. If you’re in the middle of something, make a specific time when you can listen. Respect your child’s feelings and try to understand your child’s perspective, even if it’s not the same as yours. For example, ‘It sounds like you’re feeling left out because you’re not going to the party on Thursday night’.
Be explicit and open about your feelings. In particular, tell your child how you feel when your child behaves in different ways. For example, ‘I felt really happy when you invited me to your school performance’. This helps your child learn to read and respond to emotions. It also models positive and constructive ways of relating to other people.
Be a role model for positive ways of dealing with difficult emotions and moods. For example, there will be times when you’re feeling cranky, tired and not like interacting with your child. Instead of giving your child the silent treatment, you could say, ‘I’m tired and cross. I feel like I can’t talk now without getting upset. Can we have this conversation after dinner?’
Talk with your child about relationships, sex and sexuality. Look for ‘teachable moments’ – those everyday times when you can easily bring up these issues. This is often better than having a ‘big talk’. Find out what your child already knows. Correct any misinformation and give the real facts. Use the conversation as a chance to discuss appropriate sexual behaviour and values. And always let your child know you’re available to talk about questions or concerns.
Focus on the non-physical. Teenagers are often self-conscious and anxious about their bodies and appearance. So reinforce the positive aspects of your child’s social and emotional development. For example, you could praise your child for being a good friend, or for having a wide variety of interests, or for trying hard at school and so on.
It’s easy to get caught up in your children’s needs. There’s also the day-to-day business of getting children to the sporting and social activities that are important for their development. Even with all this going on, looking after yourself and making time for the things you enjoy can keep you feeling positive about parenting your teenage child.
Staying connected with your teenage child can be an important part of supporting your child’s social and emotional development. You can check out our Talking to Teens interactive guide to see how different approaches to staying connected can get different results.
Mental health and wellbeing
Research shows that teenagers are at increased risk of poor mental health, antisocial behaviour and risk-taking behaviour such as substance misuse.
This might be because of stronger emotional responses in adolescence, changes in motivation, or difficulties balancing emotions and behaviour. These activities and behaviour can affect your child’s health later in life and can have long-term effects.
If you feel that your child’s behaviour is more than just ‘teenage moodiness’, speak to your child about your concerns. Also consider talking to a health professional.
You know your child best. If you’re concerned about your child’s social skills, emotions or wellbeing, speak with your GP, your child’s school counsellor, or another health professional. If you’re having trouble coping, call the parenting hotline in your state or territory.
Children with special needs

It’s normal for parents to worry that their child with disability won’t make friends easily or be accepted into a peer group. It helps to remember that the rate of social and emotional development varies widely, both for typically developing children and children with disability.
Children who miss a lot of school because of illness, or who have a visible physical disability, might find it harder to make and keep friendships. This doesn’t mean that friendships won’t happen. There might be other ways for your child to form friendships, such as joining community groups and online networks. Give your child lots of love and support at home. Boost confidence and self-esteem by focusing on your child’s strengths and interests.
Children with physical disability might become more self-conscious in the teenage years. It might be a good idea to speak with a professional about how to help.
Teenagers with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) might have difficulties monitoring and expressing emotions, or difficulties with peer and social relationships. This can impact on child-parent as well as peer relationships. You can learn more about supporting your child in our article on managing attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
Some teenagers with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) might have difficulties making and keeping friends, or have difficulties with social skills and emotions. You can find out more in our articles on social skills for teenagers with ASD and mood changes in teenagers with ASD.

Teenage Hormones and Sexuality
If you’re a teenager, you’re no stranger to the power of hormones. Starting as early as age 7 or 8, your body begins to produce the hormones that are responsible for the changes of puberty.
Teenage hormones are the chemicals that cause the physical growth and sexual development that will carry you through your teens and into adulthood. As these substances take hold of your body, you’ll notice that your emotions, moods and sexual feelings are much stronger.
Teens may also feel more impulsive and more inclined to take risks, like experimenting with drugs or alcohol, driving without a license or having unsafe sex.
Adolescence can be a risky time. Although all of the changes you experience in puberty are natural and healthy, teens don’t always react to these changes in a safe or healthy way. Teen hormones have an impact not only on their bodies and minds, but also on their behavior.
Peer pressure, low self-esteem, and hormonal surges can lead teens to take chances and engage in risky behaviors that could have a negative effect on their future. As children enter their teenage years, it’s important for them to have a support system they can rely on. Parents, siblings, counselors, teachers, and good friends can provide strength and advice as teens navigate this challenging, exciting time in their lives.
The Physical Effects of Teen Hormones
Without teenage hormones, normal physical and sexual development wouldn’t be possible. At the beginning of puberty, your brain releases a hormone called gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH). GnRH triggers the pituitary gland — a small but significant gland that controls the production of several major hormones — to secrete follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH) into your bloodstream. These teen hormones have different effects on males and females. In girls, FSH and LH instruct the ovaries to begin producing estrogen, one of the primary female sex hormones, and eggs. In boys, the same hormones tell the testes to begin producing testosterone, the male sex hormone, and sperm. At the same time, you’ll notice other significant changes:
Both boys and girls will grow taller and put on weight and muscle mass.
Girls will begin to have menstrual periods and will develop fuller breasts and wider hips as the teenage girl hormones do their work.
Boys will develop larger sex organs and will be able to ejaculate (release sperm).
Both boys and girls will develop body hair on the legs, under the arms and over the sex organs.
Both boys and girls will produce stronger body odors and may develop acne or other skin problems.
How Teen Hormones Affect Mood

Teen hormones affect teenagers’ moods, emotions, and impulses as well as their body. The mood swings that teens experience are caused by fluctuations in estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone—the sex hormones. These same teen hormones will also affect the way they think about dating and sex. Teens become much more interested in sex, sometimes to the point of obsession, as teen hormones kick into gear.
It’s hard to feel that your body and mind are being controlled by the forces of nature instead of being directed by your own decisions. Many adolescents feel that the changes they’re experiencing due to teenage hormones are weird, freakish, or unnatural. In fact, almost everything that teens go through during adolescence is a normal part of their development. Parents might find it hard to remember that, once upon a time, they experienced exactly the same feelings and drives as their teenage children do now. We’ve all been there!
Discovering Dating

Teen hormones naturally increase teenagers’ interest in peers they’re attracted to. Consequently, some teens look forward to the time when they can start dating. However, others dread this adolescent ritual. Learning how to socialize with peers is an important part of growing up. In addition, peers are especially important to teens as they begin to search for stronger connections and relationships outside of the home.
If your teen is nervous about dating, encourage them to start by simply making friends with girls or boys they like. Furthermore, group dates are a great way for shy teens to get to know others without the pressures of one-on-one dating.

Tips for Teens
Focus on the other person. One of the best ways to get over being self-conscious and nervous is to focus on someone else. Ask your date questions. Find out about their likes and dislikes. Your interest will help you start your relationship from a basis of friendship.
Find non-romantic things to do. Dating doesn’t necessarily have to be about hearts, flowers, and candy. If you’re nervous about being in an intimate situation with someone, invite them to go on a hike with a few other friends or attend a football game at your school.
Seek out people who share your interests. Physical attraction often guides dating decisions in the teenage years, but the prettiest girl or the hottest guy doesn’t necessarily make the best dating partner. Join clubs or participate in sports activities where you can meet people who share your hobbies and interests. You’re much more likely to have an interesting, satisfying date with someone you can relate to on a personal level.
Don’t let rejection get you down. Learning how to accept rejection without taking it personally isn’t easy, but if you can develop this skill, it will help you throughout your life. When you ask someone out on a date, you’re taking a risk that he or she will say “no.” If your offer is refused, give yourself a few minutes to feel bad about it, and then move on. Brush yourself off, then invite someone else to go out with you. Sooner or later, you’ll find the right person.
Dating isn’t just about building social skills or finding a romantic partner; it’s an opportunity to learn about your personal values, needs, and desires. In addition, spending time with others is a way to identify what you like and don’t like in other people—and in yourself.
Exploring Sexuality
With all those teen hormones raging through their bloodstream, it’s inevitable that teens will think about sex. It’s also likely that they’ll experiment with sex, according to statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The CDC reports that in 2015, 30 percent of teenagers who were surveyed reported that they had had intercourse during the previous three months.

Learning about sexuality is a vital part of growing up. But learning about sex shouldn’t involve unwanted pregnancy or getting an STD. The Guttmacher Institute reports that teenage pregnancy has declined significantly over the last 20 years, partly because more teens were using birth control, and partly because more teens were waiting longer to have sex.
tend to assume that their friends are having sex, even if they’re not. Teens should never rush into intimacy because they’re afraid of being the only virgin in their class; there are probably a lot more abstinent teens in their peer group than they think.
Teens who feel comfortable talking openly to a parent or another adult about sex may be less likely to go through an unplanned pregnancy or contract an STD. 

“If you give your kids the sense that you’re open to anything they have to say, whether positive or not so much, they’re more likely to share what’s really going on in their lives.”

—Rachel Fortune, MD, National Medical Director for Newport Academy

Parents of teens should encourage honest discussions of sexuality and answer questions as frankly as possible. Every family has its own values and beliefs about sexual activity in the teenage years. The important thing is that these beliefs are communicated clearly and that the opportunity to talk is always left open.

Newport Academy Empowering Teens Resources: Teenage Hormones and Sexuality
Stats about Teen Sexuality in America
41% of teens have had sex.
Teen pregnancy has decreased by 50% over the last 20 years.
21% of teens drank alcohol or used drugs before their last sexual intercourse.
43% of teens did not use a condom the last time they had sex.
On average, teens have sex for the first time at age 17.
Teenagers account for nearly half of new STD cases.
Sources: The Guttmacher Institute, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation

The Risk of Sexual Violence for Teens

Teens who are just entering the world of dating and sexuality need to know that no one should ever force them to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable. That can range from peer pressure to dating violence. According to the CDC, teen dating violence is defined as physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional violence within a dating relationship, including stalking.
While teen dating violence is not the norm, it does represent a significant risk for teens. In a study of national youth risk behaviors, 10 percent of high school students reported physical victimization and 10 percent reported sexual victimization from a dating partner in the 12 months before they were surveyed.
There are several risk factors that make it more likely that your teen will experience dating violence or continue an unhealthy relationship. These include:
Thinking that it’s okay for a date to treat you badly
Feeling depressed and anxious
Suffering from trauma or PTSD, whether or not it’s related to a sexual incident
Using drugs or illegal substances
Engaging in sexual activity earlier than the norm
Having multiple sexual partners
Witnessing or experiencing violence at home.
It’s important for parents to be aware of how their teen’s dating and relationships are affecting their mental health. If your teen exhibits symptoms of anxiety and depression, substance abuse, or suicidal thoughts, their relationship might be one source of the problems. While it’s sometimes hard for parents to judge the difference between being “nosy” and being protective, it’s always a good idea to ask gentle questions that can help your teen feel safe to share with you what’s going on.

Experimenting With Drugs and Alcohol
Along with the pressures to date and have sex, teens often face pressure from their peers to try drugs or alcohol. Neurological studies of the adolescent brain indicate that teens might be more likely to experiment with drugs than adults because of differences in their brain development. In adolescence, the area of the brain that’s responsible for judgment and decision-making is still immature. This area, the prefrontal cortex, doesn’t become fully mature until the mid-20s. Meanwhile, the amygdala, the part of the brain that controls impulses and emotions, is still maturing in adolescence, increasing the urge to take risks.
In your teens, your life as an adult may seem impossibly far away. With so much time ahead of them, teens might feel that the choices they make today are inconsequential. But in fact, starting to use drugs or alcohol could have severe consequences, not only in the immediate future, but for years to come. Teenagers who engage in substance abuse are more likely to develop full-blown addictions as adults. They are also more likely to engage in behaviors that could cause serious consequences or legal problems, such as:
Driving recklessly
Swimming in unsafe areas
Having unsafe sex
Fighting with peers
Suicide attempts.
Teen hormones, sex, and drugs can be a dangerous mix. When your emotions and sexual urges are already in a volatile state, adding intoxicating substances could create a much greater risk of making life-altering decisions. Help your teens realize that taking chances with their future just isn’t worth the risk. If they feel pressured by their peers or their own emotions to do things that they know are dangerous, it might help for them to talk with a parent, mental health professional, or addiction specialist about how they can get through this tough time safely.

Identity, Moods, and Emotions
Discovering who you are is one of the biggest challenges of adolescence. In the adolescent years, a teen’s identity may change from one month to the next. They have the opportunity to experiment with their personal values, style, beliefs, and sexuality. If they have healthy self-esteem and a strong support system, they can build their new identity with confidence. But many teenagers struggle with their sense of self-worth, feeling that they don’t measure up to the standards of their parents, teachers, or friends.
Teenagers who suffer from low self-esteem are more vulnerable to the negative influences of peer pressure and more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. Furthermore, they are more likely to become depressed. Parents and educators can help teenagers build a strong sense of identity by nurturing their self-esteem and validating their self-confidence.
Adults should be aware of the signs of low self-esteem in teenagers, such as:
Withdrawal from friends and social activities
Poor hygiene or a lack of concern for appearance
Abandoning good friends in favor of a new social crowd
Sleeping too much or too little
Changes in weight or eating habits
Unusual mood swings
Tearfulness and a sense of hopelessness
Expressing thoughts of suicide.
It’s not unusual for teens to go through periods of feeling sad, lonely, or irritable. But if these feelings persist for more than a week or two, your teen might be depressed. The emotional turmoil of adolescence can sometimes hide a serious mental health condition that must be treated promptly.
Newport Academy Empowering Teens Resources: Teenage Hormones and Sexuality
How to Help Your Growing Teen
As your teen matures and the effects of teenage hormones continue to create change, it’s vital for you to stay engaged and present in your child’s life. Here are a few ways you can do that.
Encourage your teen to try new things and take on new challenges.
Keep the lines of communication open by checking in frequently at times when it feels natural, such as riding in the car or at mealtimes.
Talk with your teen about the importance of staying true to themselves and their beliefs even in the face of peer pressure.
Let your teen know that if they’re not comfortable talking with you about sexuality or other issues, they can talk to another trusted adult, like a school counselor or a relative.
Even though your teen is increasingly independent, continue to provide discipline and boundaries where appropriate.
Find ways to spend time together, even if your teen is resistant at first. It’s worth it!

When to Look for Support
If the natural hormonal changes of adolescence turn into something more dangerous, don’t hesitate to turn to professionals for help. In today’s challenging world, many families need support to handle the effects of emotional disturbances, impulse control disorders or substance abuse. In some cases, a personalized teen rehab program is what it takes to get a teenager’s life back on track.
For answers to your questions about teenage drug abuse, sexuality or emotional identity, contact the professionals at Newport Academy. We specialize in helping young people and their families build the futures that they deserve.

The Teenager's Brain
Do you understand your teenager's thoughts?

If you are reading this, you are probably a parent, a teacher, or perhaps even a teen yourself. In any case, you feel confounded by unpredictable and volatile behavior, emotions which seem to arise like tornados from out of the blue, and a parade of identities which seem to change as fast as a runway model's wardrobe. What causes all this chaos and confusion? In this article I will summarize some of the new research findings, which shed light on this most vibrant phase of life in the teen brain.

structure of the brain

I often describe the overall structure of the brain as an ice-cream cone with two scoops. The cone itself is the most primitive part of the brain, called the brain stem. It controls basic functions such as alertness, breathing, blood pressure, and body temperature. Sitting on top of the cone sits the first scoop-the emotional brain (called the limbic system)- which is involved in hormonal control, memory, as well as automatic (and usually unconscious) emotional reactions. The second scoop is the conscious, thinking, planning, brain (called the cortex).
If we look deeper, or microscopically, into the brain, we see that there are millions of nerve cells, which, like streets and highways, are connected to each other. If you visualize a map of the United States showing all the highways as well as primary and secondary and even tertiary roads you can get a feel for a few things. First, not only are there many, many roads, but they seem to converge on certain points we call cities, towns, and neighborhoods. In the brain these points of convergence are called nuclei. One of the major nuclei in the brain is called the amygdala. This nucleus controls rage, fear, and sex. It also tells us (before we are consciously aware) whether a situation is safe, exciting, or dangerous, and our body reacts (again, before we are aware) immediately to this unconscious reflex. This assessment of the situation is based on early childhood experiences.
The Changing Teen Brain

During the teen years, under the influence of massive new hormonal messages, as well as current needs and experiences, the teenager's brain is being reshaped, and reconstructed. Information highways are being speeded up (a process called myelination), and some old routes, closed down (this is called pruning); some are re-routed and reconnected to other destinations. And above all, old information highways are making lots of new connections to other highways, and other cites and towns (this is called sprouting). It's a massive construction project, unlike anything that occurs at any other time in life. In such as situation, things rarely flow smoothly, and surprise destinations thrive. This reconstruction explains why the personality and stability that was evident just a year or two before adolescence recedes, and suddenly new perspectives, and reactions abound.
One of the important things to remember is that what a teen does and is exposed to during this critical time in life, has a large influence on the teen's future, because experience and current needs shape the pruning and sprouting process in the brain. So if a teen is playing lots of video games, this will shape the brain in such a way that they might become an excellent fighter pilot, but becoming an accountant or researcher will be less possible. Being the class clown will help make a good sales person later on, and running for class president will develop brain skills that are needed to run a business or take on a management position. Being exposed to drugs, computer sex, or violent movies, will also shape the brain and future of the adolescent, laying down the seeds of addiction and interpersonal conflict.

Changing Brain Means A Changing Identity

Because of all the change that is occurring in the brain, as well as in their social and academic world, teens have a deep need to define themselves, to clarify who they are, and what they stand for. As they are losing their pre-adolescent identity, they are desperate for a new identity. This search can have constructive or destructive aspects to it. Often the new identity is supplied by their peer group, for better or for worse. Because the teen doesn't know clearly what they want or what they can do, they like to try many different things. This helps them discover what works for them, what feels right, and who they are becoming. The parent-teacher role is to allow and encourage safe exploration.
The constructive approach to identity formation, which should be supported by parents and teachers, is to try new hobbies, take new classes, get involved in new organizations. Supervised exploration of new territory should be encouraged. Teenagers need guidance not unrestricted freedom. They need novelty, but within bounds.
On the other hand, one common, easy, but non-productive way to define one's identity, is to do or be the opposite of what the parents are, and to become involved in non-supervised activities. Mom and Dad like going to Shul, so I will sleep late on Shabbat. It is inevitable that there will be a clash and limits will be tested. I advise parents to make the limits reasonably narrow. It's better for an adolescent to argue over whether they have to go to shul, than whether they can stay out with friends until one AM.

Undeveloped Brain Territory

One part of the teen brain that is undeveloped until the mid-twenties lies in that second scoop of the ice cream cone. This is called the pre-frontal cortex (PFC). This part of the brain, when fully developed, is in a constant dialogue with the emotional brain (the limbic brain). In the adult, the PFC and the limbic brain are in balance, each one inhibiting the other. So when an adult has an emotional reaction to being cut off by a speeding car, the PFC part of the brain says-"Hey, stop, and think about your desire to go speeding after that car. You might get a ticket, you might cause an accident, your insurance rates will go up". For the teen, however, the PFC is undeveloped, and the emotional brain (including the amygdala mentioned above) rules the moment, until the PFC is developed in the mid-twenties. The teen thinks: "This is going to be exciting!"-if he thinks at all. Auto insurance companies figured this one out long ago.

Sharing your PFC

One highly effective way for parents and teachers to help teens develop the PFC is to make sure they have some ‘skin in the game', and to make them deal with the consequences of their actions. This takes some thinking ahead (a PFC function) on the part of the adults, about the new freedoms and responsibilities that their teen will have. In the case of driving, for example, it is useful if the parents prepare the pre-adolescent with the idea that they will have to save up some money to pay for a car, insurance, gas etc. If the teen ever gets a parking or speeding ticket, they need to know that they will pay for it. Letting the teen know this in advance, is in a sense, loaning the teen our frontal lobe functions.

Nutrition, Drugs, Alcohol and the Teen Brain

One of the most overlooked and problematic issues for teens is nutrition. The amygdala and other areas of the brain undergoing myelination (to make those connecting superhighways operate really fast) require healthy fats. That means fish oils. My grandfather from Aleppo some how knew that fish was brain food. Modern research has shown this to be true. High levels of these omega 3 fatty acids are associated with less depression and suicide, and many other health benefits too numerous to mention here.

Also, extremely important for the growing teen is making sure the brain gets enough zinc. Zinc makes the mood regulating chemical, serotonin, function properly. If there is too little zinc, often there is too much of the novelty-seeking chemical, dopamine, and even the overstimulating, anxiety-producing chemical, glutamate. Getting enough zinc is a challenge for teens because their growing bones take much of the body supply of zinc, leaving the brain in short supply. This shows up as irritability and moodiness, as well as zinc spots (white spots) on the nails. Giving the teenager a zinc supplement (enough till the nails clear) and a B50 complex can make a very significant difference in moodiness as well help clear up their skin. Add some fish oil capsules and you have some good support for the teen brain.
What doesn't help the teen brain at all, are alcohol and drugs. For many reasons, including the fact that the teen brain is changing at such a rapid pace, new experiences that are pleasurable (e.g., music) very quickly become habits. Thus the teen will become addicted to substances much more easily than an adult will. Alcohol and drugs cause a Swiss cheese like change in the brain, so that some areas function normally, and others, like the holes in the cheese, under-function to a large degree. This change occurs throughout the brain, but the PFC is markedly affected, (where they are most undeveloped.)

Every Teen is Unique

Remember every teen is different and requires a different approach. If your teen is a responsible and diligent student, and has well adjusted peers, you might be more than willing to send them to college or on a teen tour. On the other hand, if they are showing more signs of impulsivity, which means an undeveloped PFC, they might not be ready to be on their own, with the unrestricted freedom. Strive to see what the best qualities of your teenager are-where their uniqueness lies-and help them find it. It's the best you can do for the teen you love.